I couldn't help myself. I know better than to

search the name on social media.

Nothing ever turns up & its been made

crystal clear by the silence over the years

that I don't matter anyways. Yet this time of

year, he always crosses my mind. Any other 

time of year, that door is slammed shut &

bolted to be sure. Yet, the demons manage

to pry it open just enough to remind me 

of that wound. No he does NOT deserve

to be called my father or dad in anyway.

He lost that title many years ago.

My FIL has stepped up & filled that role.

& the role of a caring grandfather for my kids.

Still, sometimes I wonder what he looks like now.

Would I know his voice if I heard it?

I certainly wouldn't be eager to talk to or hug him.

No he would get a very cold response from me.

Years of silence does that. I know the family

that cares about me & my family.

And so, tears will not be shed over him. 

No, I will do what I can to ensure my husband

feels special for tomorrow after work. 

He is a father that is there for his children

& for me. He has earned the title of father.
The demons will not win. I am healing
& I am stronger than that.